DID YOU SEE MARTHA’S SCREWUP? She distributed a memo about Jim Groom by mistake, and it’s sent to the corporate CVI offiices. Now, I am NO internet detective, and I’m no Jim Groom apologist, but this memo, along with Alan’s allusions to visiting a corporate office for CVI (the owners of Camp Magic MacGuffin) in Canada got me scared. So I got to thinking: Why not Google this “CVI + Canada” and see what comes up. Here’s an image of what I got, followed by a little in-depth analysis:

Click for full-size screenshot of search results

Canada Voluntarism Initiative: This site, a seemingly innocuous bit of Canadian pork, has as its tagline “Partnering for the Benefit of Canadians.” Now if this isn’t a wolf in sheep’s clothing, I don’t know what is. I don’t know about you, but I signed up for a summer of self-actualization, NOT to be the object of some kind of crazy Canuck body snatchers.

Canadian Value Investors: This looks like a ghost company if I ever saw one. They didn’t even get their own domain name — just some cheesy “blogspot” thing. No doubt covering their tracks. They supposedly focus on investing in undervalued assets. Mostly, the site is pretty vague. An interesting “front” for Canadian real estate investors wanting to invade the U.S.? Well you’ll have to get through China first. AND Jim Groom.

CVI Chilliwack: This one is so onnocuous it’s the perfect cover: Equine vault-jumpers from Canada. But read this: “Vaulters learn to have the agility and athleticism of gymnasts, the grace and expression of dancers and the balance and feel of equestrians.” Sounds like they are training an army, and getting us to comply with their rules may be just a way of weeding out the rebels. So Jim is on a private island. Who’s next?

Canadian Home Builders Association of Central Vancouver Island: This professional association supports rampant sprawling building projects. Is this why we are in Minecraft, Martha? Doing their bidding? Letting them not only invade our country with their landscape-destrying monstrosities, but our cyberspace, too? Answers, PLEASE!

Calvalley Patroluem: According to their website, “Calvalley has established a strong base of cash flow and earnings from its exploration success in Block 9.” What’s Block 9 you ask? Yemen, my friends. Is Camp Magic MacGuffin next? I’m wondering if the humming in the blue shed that Alan referred to is an exploratory drill. What better front to send the Sierra Club off its scent than to run a summer camp on a future oil field. Despicable.

CVI Automotive: Sure, it’s disguised as a car service place, but look again at this operation’s fiendishly simple and information-free website. Read this customer testimonial, obviously in code: “They will take the time to go through your van with you and want to keep it running well by educating you.” Is this the training that Alan had to undergo? Did he just pull in for a tune-up, and get brainwashed into smuggling something across the border? Is there an underground bunker beneath those hydraulic lifts? I want answers.

Canadian Value Investing: This is supposedly a blog from a chemical engineer who likes to tinker with his stock portfolio and windbag to others about investing. While it’s a terrible read, it could contain hidden messages that can only be read in code and that may be guiding what’s going on behind the scenes at Camp Magic MacGuffin. I’m no cryptographer, so this one’s just too much for me. Any takers?

Central Vancouver Island Tourism: This one has legs if we want to believe that CVI is merely scoping out the camp to build a new resort. But, I’m not that easy a mark. The people in their web site photos look brainwashed. It’s kind of like watching old episodes of The Prisoner: a supposedly happy, happy life, but no room for dissent of any kind. A sentence disguised as a vacation (much like Club Med — little known fact). Are we going to see a CVI photo of a lobotomized Jim Groom on waterskis soon?

The Chidren’s Vision Initiative: This is an initiative of the Canadian Optometrists Association ensuring that “all children in Canada access and receive appropriate, quality eye health and vision care throughout the developmental years.” Does that mean harvesting corneas from unsuspecting Americans? Is the blue shed an operating room?

That’s all I  got. I leave it to any and all of you to pick up these threads, and try to piece together what’s going on here that Martha and Alan seem loathe to come clean about. Something’s up — it’s up to us to find out. Just sayin’.